what friends?

the ones i don't have,
or the fake ones i pretend to text when i walk around by myself?


i hate how corrupted friendship is.


in this whole situation i'm the bad guy. 
i'm the one who got cussed out because i was giving up my friend to make her happy,
and i'm the one who's car got keyed with "Bitch" scraped into it
yet i'm not the victim, i'm the bad guy.
because i went to the school cop about her keying my car.
that's not friendship.


then there's my "best friend". 
he claims he's always going to be here for me,
and when i'm sad he tells me he wants to know and wants me to go to him.
but once it becomes something big,
like this drama that makes school a hell for me,
or this immature family shit that i can't escape from
he's gone.
he doesn't want to help me feel better,
he'll pull a douche move and then start avoiding and ignoring me.
that's not a best friend.

so, what do i do?
i walk around alone.
i pretend to text someone.
i hang out with a group of friends i don't fit in with at all,
i follow that group around while they basically ignore me.
and how did i get to this place?
by being a kindhearted person, who does everything so can to make others happy,
even if i end up depressed, alone, crying to my mother every night till i can barely breathe.

so tell me again how many friends i have, and how loved i am.
because i have none.